I absolutely needed a new bra. I’ve been feeling for a while like the camera is gaslighting me on the matter, considering the empirical data I know I have. Clearly my situation is not insignificant here, and the tools I got ain’t containing things for more than a couple minutes at a time. And that inadequacy may speak to why it’s so hard to document my boobage. Gotta keep the material in one place. That’s the point of the things. Otherwise, the meat will meander. Obviously presentation isn’t the biggest concern. I just always feel weird how in pictures it’s like, where are they?

I was so nervous of how it would fit. I’ve done the measurements so many times, I have the technique down so hard now, I knew they were correct in theory. I put all that research into different bra shapes and boob shapes and how different styles and features support things differently. I knew I should be looking at stuff like plunge bras and things with side support. But I also get things wrong, and I can’t control for outside factors. Different bra styles fit differently. Different makers do things differently. I didn’t know how the material would feel.

My first couple bras, I basically just looked for things in my then-size, that looked nice and were cheap. I had more theory going on this time, which made for more things to mess up. Theory does not necessarily map to reality! And one misses things. Frequently. I guess I was just scared of disappointment. I am so easily scared of my own emotions, is really what my problem. I needn’t be, of course. My feelings are my own. They’re not some invading force. I can just let them be what they need to be. And it’s fine; it’s normal. And It’s just a frickin bra. Chill, Azure.

So it came today. And when I unwrapped the thing I was like, oh no, did I get this wrong? Why is it so big?! I knew that sounded off. I don’t see how I could have messed up the measurements or the calculations but of course I did. How would it makes sense for me to be 34G? What kind of vanity was I injecting into this process?

…

Welp.

• 

• 

No, I didn’t get it wrong. It’s only that big because uh, whee!

Jesus.

So okay, I guess I really do have bigger-than-average tits huh. Fer realz even. Not just theoretically.

Ok.

Well, uh. Sure, fine. I guess I’m okay with that.

So, this one fits way differently from my previous bras. There are lots of things going into this. The band is the correct size, for one; I’m in between sizes, right, and previously opted to round up. Nope. Down is the answer for this girl.

Also this is my first bra with an underwire, which uh… really… feels unusual. This rigidity is—I mean, I’m not sure what to make of it yet. Between that and the (necessarily) tighter band, I’m getting even more of a corseting effect. It’s a major whoomph to slide into this, compared to the old ones. And that’s fine. It’s whatever. Maybe it’s good? I don’t know yet. It’s only been a few hours.

The cups work very differently also, from what I’m used to. I guess the underwire carries a lot of the weight now, and the different shape here works to a different mechanical purpose. This is a plunge bra, which is meant to be particularly suitable for my breast type, so the cups are shaped to encourage the tissue to sit a certain way. And yes, they do indeed collect it well, all in one place. But the fit is sure something to get used to. Also though it’s clear this is just about the right size for me, the opaque part of the cups just barely covers my nipples—which is, I guess, a stylistic choice? I don’t know.

My previous bras have also been lightly padded, so I don’t know how this is gonna be with the chafing and—well, another angle on the potential nipplevision situation. But I guess these things one will come to understand in time.

An result that I did not anticipate, from having my breasts supported properly for once and all sort of in one place, is that I am, uh, experiencing a kind of… a jelly effect, that I did not previously know. Like, there’s this… fluid quality, as they sit there. I’m not accustomed to this particular kind of a boing.

So whereas this seems to be something close to the right bra for me, right now, it’s kind of wild how different this is as an experience, compared to what I have known. It is indeed not the case that a bra is a bra is a bra. You change a couple of things, and they have a totally different effect on your body. I expect this won’t be the last time I think these thoughts, as my body continues to change.

(Seriously, where did all this jelly come from?)

A hilarious thing to consider is, what effect progesterone may have if I do get on that in a couple weeks. It’s only like 16 days until my next follow-up! I’m mostly after the mood stabilization, but—well. It sure is known to have its other effects, is it not.

Well, we shall see how this pans out.