god kelly messed me up

as to why, it’s—

okay, most relationships break down because of poor communication, right?

that was part of it, but in some rabid digivolved form.

our basic difference was ideological, dealing with our understanding of the fabric of the world and our roles in it.

i talk about how she viewed every human interaction as, rather, a transaction on some level.

more to the point, though: kelly views information as currency, to save or spend tactically to further some end.

to me that’s like treating water, air, food, shelter as a for-profit commodity. water, air, food, shelter are non-negotiable biological needs, that keep our bodies alive. information though is what gives us agency. it’s what permits us to make decisions, to act, to grow our own healthy individual perspective. it’s a fundamental prerequisite to liberty.

to me it is anathema to withhold or obstruct knowledge without desperate cause.

she never stopped acting bewildered at how much “content” i “gave away” “for free”—in reference to, well, things like the words right here. to the art and writing and music i do, but most directly and especially to how much i say to others openly, how the moment i understand a thing i explain it.

take that difference of perspective, and extrapolate it to all its fractal recursive conclusions

that was the key friction between us

i don’t see how a thing like that could be reconciled, without one of us changing who we are on an atomic level. and i’m certainly not turning landlord on knowledge

…

i mean yes, you can pay for my albums on bandcamp if you want

but also you can just listen to them endlessly if you’d rather

i’m not interested in coercing any kind of behavior; that is the start of everything i know is wrong

our decisions are our own to make, for our own reasons and  judgment