there’s this odd mix of aggressive vagueness, evasiveness, disassociation, selective amnesia, and sudden baseless accusation that will suddenly manifest when you take a compulsive liar at their word and then try to understand them better.

expressing interest, remembering what they say, is a threat.

both my ex-girlfriend and my ex-spouse were like this basically 24/7. at first they might be puzzled by, fascinated with, a sincere expression of interest. they might find it cute or childlike, even. the more seriously one took them, though, the more prickly and seemingly persecuted they became.

it’s the same pattern with some disruptive elements in the local queer community here—making big waves, then turning to hair-trigger eels when anyone stuck their neck out to try to confront their stated problems head-on. it’s like they took believing what they said as a direct threat and challenge.

this is a really specific social and interpersonal affect that i keep running into. most people don’t behave like this, at least not as some kind of core personality trait. the ones that do, they always seem like the loudest, the most charming in the room.

and they always seem to perk up when i enter.