I am a girl with confusing urges. I’m slam in the middle of a puberty like I have never experienced, and all the scales of other people’s shame are falling away, and gee whiz I have my new set of fixations.

I am absolutely aroace, and I am clearly pan, but what that means right now is that my imagination is going nuts with the urges and interests I was until now not prepared to fully entertain. So what we’ve got is a lot of cock, substantially attached to hypothetical dudes.

Cock, cock, cock. That’s all I can think of. This isn’t exactly new, but gosh is it unavoidable now that the repression is lifted. And gosh is the specific association with men a novelty for me. It kinda… feels like it should feel gayer than it does.

I mean, it’s not not-gay. But I’m a girl, and I’m non-binary, and no part of me is a dude, and never has it been. Yeah, I have a penis of my own, but so what. Girls have dicks. Not all of them obviously, but, like, genitals aren’t gendered like that. Who cares. Beyond, er, what fixations one may entertain

So, like. With all these hormones rushing through my system, it’s like my long interest in cock is somehow justified, and this new option of men is now just super fascinating to me, and I’m understanding how all this relates to my natural role as a bottom, and whee bob the logic.

So, as I sort out what exactly makes me tick, irrespective of other people’s problems, there will be a certain unfolding of this inner text. Be warned, but also be mindful that this is my own personal space you’re choosing to browse here.