I find it so surreal when friends I thought I knew turn out to have biological family, that they talk to and get along with and willingly spend time around. It’s like, surely this is a bit, right? It’s so hard to envision living that way; to me it feels like something that surely only exists in out-of-touch hollywood scripts that serve to show us a conservative cultural mythology rather than the genuine empirical shape of life.

It’s like hearing that someone believes in the tooth fairy or went to their senior prom or is heterosexual or something: “Really, you’re not serious are you? Hahaha, how… sweet. Well, have fun with that I guess?”

They will talk about needing to go vacation with their mom, and my immediate thought is “What, why? What sort of hold does she have over you? Are you safe, are you okay?”

This commentary isn’t meant as shade; it’s in response to a cohost thread on how society is structured to prevent people escaping from a static defined biological family unit, and serves to ensure those who do are eternal outcasts from the basic benefits of society.

And my response to that is sort of the opposite of the typical shock and incredulity about having no family. To me, learning that someone—especially another queer—does have assigned family is like learning that they still maintain open contact with the cult that I thought they had successfully escaped from. Or like hearing a recovering addict is about to go hang around with that old acquaintance again. I feel like, how worried should I be? 😧